why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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