I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
