Three words: puerto rican gang bang
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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