The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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