you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We talked him into tasing himself.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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