K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
