Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
