Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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