I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
