Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
