ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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