Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
