Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
