If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
