even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
