these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
