She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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