no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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