Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
