Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
