did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
