Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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