Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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