Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
