just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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