so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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