i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
