How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
