I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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