At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She announced her abortion via fbk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
