I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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