Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
