Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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