it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
