He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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