mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
