a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
