my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
