Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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