Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
