i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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