i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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