I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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