Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
