I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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