There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
