This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
