Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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