words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
