Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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