Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
