Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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