What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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