The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
