I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
