I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
