Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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