Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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