HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
