I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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