I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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