Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You smell like stripper and shame
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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