god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
