he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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