Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
