So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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