Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
