planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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