Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
