Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just pee around me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
