I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
