Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
