I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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