i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize