from now on my penis is your penis
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
