I am puke
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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