That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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