yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
