i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
