At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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