yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
