You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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